Derp.

Dear reader,

I cannot lie, this character is kicking my ass. At first I thought it was just because she made my skin crawl at first glance, but that isn’t it. She is …complicated.

In spite of my best efforts, I feel sorry for her. She is a woman who is just doing what she thinks is right, dealing with a lot of hurt (see my previous post on her lack of children), and (up to the point where she takes someone else’s child) she is not entirely in the wrong. The little boy she tries to “protect” from his parents is actually in a bit of crisis. She is right in addressing the problem, but very flawed in the way she goes about it.

As uptight as she is, I can’t imagine that she had a very pleasant childhood. Her need for order probably stems from having controlling parents of her own. In my history that I have written for her, her parents are the reason her own child was taken from her. Her love for her students (because she IS a good teacher. The kind that students go back to visit after they leave) stems from a desperate need to give her mother’s love to the children she can’t have, and the one that was taken from her. Her need to save Max is a direct result of having her own child ripped from her arms, and given to strangers without her consent.

When Max begins to turn into a puppet (it’s a part of the show. Just trust me, it’s AWESOME!), she has already been informed that he’s being moved to another kindergarten class. Her brain IMMEDIATELY associates this with having her baby taken from her, and she can’t let that happen. Not again. So she does what she does.

Ok y’all, that is a LOT of depth. And the audience doesn’t necessarily know that is her story. This is what I, as an actor, have created in order to bring her to life. And I’m missing. Maybe it’s just that I’m still scrambling to remember lines. Maybe it’s just that she’s not a part of me yet. Either way, I’m falling short of what she needs for people to take her seriously, and to see her as more than just a baby stealing, uber conservative, Obama impeaching hard ass. This is the toughest role I have ever tackled, and I still feel like I look like this…

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When what I am aiming for is closer to this…

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CLOSER to.

Anyhow, until I can lose the “I don’t know what happens next” derp face, that’s where I am. She needs more, and I have to find it.

Here! Enjoy random picture of my child. He turned 6 months old yesterday!

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